ฝึกเขียนไดอารี่ภาษาอังกฤษ ครั้งที่ 4 (พร้อมข้อแนะนำในการเขียนและแก้ไข)
01 หน้ารวม
02 หน้าแรก
หน้าที่สอง
Friday April 30th, 2021
I registered for a Japanese online course this week. Because a lot of people want to (#1) learn this course, (#2) therefore I attempted to register for the second time. The first time, I registered as (#3) ordinary people. Then the staff (#4) mailed me that they have a special class for teachers who want to know the Marugoto books (#5) more. Then I registered (#6) it for the second time. After that, the teacher (#4) mailed me that I had already registered (#7) for one time. It’s not necessary to register again. (#8) Both of the registrations I could get the certificate. Finally I was able to register for this course. I am looking forward (#9) to this online course soon. Because I had learned this book before. The teachers were expert and cheerful.
Today, I wrote the diary again. I noticed some of English content was wrong. Such as, the past perfect: S + have/has + V3 +……. I corrected it again by putting “had” instead of “have/has”. Then the correction is the past perfect: S + had + V3 + …….
The first time I thought something was wrong in this English book because they wrote “have/has” instead of (#10) “had”. But now I got it. This is my mistake. (Lol)
My phase is “Studying some languages, the more you make a mistake, the better you will remember it.”
Thank you for reading my diary.
MEMO
🌸 คือ คำแนะนำหรือข้อคิดเห็น
☘️(.....) คือ คำถามหรือคำขอบคุณ
ข้อคิดเห็นหรือข้อเสนอแนะ
You learn languages really quickly because your writing is improving with each diary. Since it seems like you are starting to get a good idea of English grammar, I'm going to start correcting some more technical things that will help your writing sound more formal and proper in English. Some of the things I will correct will also be minor things that just sound more familiar to an English speaker.
🌸1. 'Learn' works here but a better and more familiar word for English speakers would probably be 'take.'
☘️(Thank you. I will remember it.)
🌸2. Very good sentence! Only a very minor mistake here. With English grammar, transition words like 'because' or 'therefore' help to connect two individual ideas. Here the two ideas would be: "A lot of people want to learn this course" and "I attempted to register for the second time." Since you already used 'because' at the beginning of the sentence, you do not need to use another transition word. To help you better understand, here are several different ways this sentence could be written using either word:
"Because a lot of people want to take this course, I attempted to register for the second time."
"A lot of people want to take this course, therefore I attempted to register for the second time."
"I attempted to register for the second time because a lot of people want to take this course."
☘️(Thank you very much. I choose the second sentence.)
🌸3. I'm not sure what the best way to say this might be. 'Ordinary people' is an awkward phrase for English though. It might be best to combine the sentences like this:
"I registered but then the staff emailed me..."
This would still communicate to the reader that you registered but later found out there was a different class for teachers.
☘️(OK.)
🌸4. Did the staff send you mail? Or did they send an email? If they sent mail (like a letter that you would open from an envelope), then this is correct and does not need to be changed. If it was an email, make sure to include the 'e' because if not, English readers will understand that sentence to mean they sent you a letter in your mailbox.
☘️(Yes, the staff and teacher sent an email to me the day before yesterday.
Email is an electronic mail? but mail is a letter, right? I will remember it. Thank you.)
🌸5. 'More' works here but 'better' would probably fit better and sound more familiar to English speakers.
(Because "More" must be used quantitative?, but "Better" used qualitatively, isn't it?)
🌸6. Change to "registered for it" --> Registered for what? Registered for it.
☘️(OK)
🌸7. Combine these sentences so that it sounds better.
"After that, the teacher emailed me that since I had already registered previously, it is not necessary to register again."
☘️(That's a nice sentence. One day I would like to write it like this.)
🌸8. You could get the certificate for what? For both of the registrations. Could be written as...
"For both of the registrations I could get the certificate."
"I could get the certificate for both registrations."
☘️(Why does this sentence use "For"? Because it is the preposition, right? I understood.)
🌸9. This one is going to be a little complicated but I will explain as best as I can.
Be careful when starting sentences with a transitional word like 'Because.' In English we are taught at a young age to avoid starting sentences with words like 'because.' They don't teach us this because it's incorrect, but because we are still learning and it's easy to make a mistake when starting a sentence like that. The reason for this is that English grammar follows rules where we have independent and dependent clauses (or thoughts/ideas). The easiest way to understand this is to put a clause/sentence by itself and see if it makes sense on its own. For example here...
"Because I had learned this book before." --> By itself, this sentence does not make sense. 'Because' tells us there is more to this sentence so we should have another clause/sentence combined with it. So there are two ways to write these sentences...
"Because I learned this book before, I am looking forward to taking this online course soon."
"I learned this book previously. I am looking forward to taking this online course soon."
Also, getting really technical here but if you can, you want to avoid ending a sentence with words that are called prepositions. In your original sentence, you ended with the word 'before.' Ending a sentence with a preposition is less formal. Here is a list of prepositions in English: https://webapps.towson.edu/ows/prepositions.htm
☘️(Thank you very much. It's so useful. I will read it.)
🌸10. Same idea here. When you include a transitional word ('but' in this sentence), it indicates there is more to the sentence. "But now I got it" on its own does not make sense
There are two ways to write these sentences. It's as simple as adding a comma or removing the word 'but.'
"The first time I thought something was wrong in this English book because they wrote “have/has” instead of (#10) “had,” but now I got it. "
"The first time I thought something was wrong in this English book because they wrote “have/has” instead of (#10) “had.” Now I got it. "
☘️(Thank you very much for your hard work.
I learned a lot today.)
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