27 ก.ค. เวลา 07:41 • หนังสือ

To the Hope That Was Trampled

I can no longer remember
how much hope
I carried back then.
But I remember
how hard
I tried.
I submitted
my leave request.
Then I waited.
I was told
there would be no problem.
So I held onto that hope,
quietly.
Like someone
too afraid
to speak it aloud,
for fear
it might disappear.
When new conditions appeared,
I accepted them.
When problems arose,
I tried to solve them.
When something
needed to be exchanged,
I agreed.
I believed
all those efforts
would be enough.
Enough
to give my hope
somewhere to stand.
But in the end,
they weren't.
The answer
never changed.
Not approved.
Just two words.
Yet they were enough
to shatter
everything
I had been waiting for.
I never knew
how deeply
two simple words
could hurt
until I saw
the faint smile
at the corner
of someone's lips,
heard
a quiet scoff,
and felt
their eyes
turn toward me
while I stood there,
silent.
I still remember.
Even now,
I still remember.
As though
it had happened
only yesterday.
I cannot remember
who walked past
that day.
I cannot remember
what I said
afterward.
But I remember
the feeling
of my heart
sinking.
As though
every hope
I had been holding
had fallen
to the ground,
only
to be stepped on
once again.
I had already
let go
of my dream
of studying
once before.
I thought
I had accepted it.
But that day,
I realized
I never truly had.
I had only
hidden it away,
quietly,
waiting
for the day
I could return.
Waiting
for life
to become
a little kinder.
Waiting
for the day
I would no longer
have to choose
between surviving
and my dreams.
But that day
never came.
And perhaps,
the deepest pain
was never
the rejection itself.
Perhaps
it was watching
my own hope
being crushed
right before my eyes,
while there was
nothing
I could do.
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